if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drunk is not a location!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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