worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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