I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
