guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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