I wish I could teleport
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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