Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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