She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
