it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.