Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.

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  (509): i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it. http://tfl.nu/yjzk
  Replies (12) Good night (1092) Bad night (2774)
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  (585): View more from New York

  the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please

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  (585): the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please http://tfl.nu/85bu
  Replies (38) Good night (894) Bad night (3352)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.

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  (512): I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two. http://tfl.nu/pdyq
  Replies (10) Good night (1008) Bad night (3626)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

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  (509): I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact. http://tfl.nu/tkeu
  Replies (35) Good night (1164) Bad night (3929)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.

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  (419): cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over. http://tfl.nu/mynf
  Replies (1) Good night (1852) Bad night (947)
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  (707): View more from California

  He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.

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  (707): He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie. http://tfl.nu/yx94
  Replies (6) Good night (2863) Bad night (1189)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

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  (734): I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. http://tfl.nu/46aj
  Replies (5) Good night (1912) Bad night (1082)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.

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  (678): Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out. http://tfl.nu/slt6
  Replies (8) Good night (412) Bad night (1353)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  that actually explains a lot

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  (847): you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night (1-847): that actually explains a lot http://tfl.nu/hgfk
  Replies (3) Good night (1537) Bad night (451)
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  (858): View more from California

  you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.

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  (858): you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you. http://tfl.nu/hkpv
  Replies (2) Good night (1179) Bad night (240)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.

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  (360): I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box. http://tfl.nu/hoaw
  Replies (2) Good night (1103) Bad night (270)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.

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  (253): Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now. (1-253): Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now. http://tfl.nu/vki8
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (228)
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  (626): View more from California

  Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.

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  (626): Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long. http://tfl.nu/2nw2
  Replies (2) Good night (153) Bad night (576)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.

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  (337): Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM. (1-337): How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse. http://tfl.nu/m0tv
  Replies (6) Good night (537) Bad night (318)
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  (831): View more from California

  Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

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  (831): Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/od4k
  Replies (3) Good night (411) Bad night (194)

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