We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants