Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.