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His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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