dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
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if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.