Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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