I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
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did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So vagazzling was a success
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