Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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