take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
