I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
