Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
