just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
