the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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