it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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