Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
