I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
be right there i have to get my cape
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
