you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
