I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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