There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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