Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My vagina is officially offended.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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