About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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