Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
