big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
