Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
