the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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