dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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