This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize