no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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