his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
