You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
