hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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