Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
