you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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