Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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