i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
