Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
