I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
