Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
