she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
