Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
