You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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