mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hippo gnu deer
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
