watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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