And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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