just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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