Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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