I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
