I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
