He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
