omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
