For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
