What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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