My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
