Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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