I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
