the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
