the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
