Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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