i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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