I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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