Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
