After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
