Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
