ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
