Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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