The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
