He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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