In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
