either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
