i just wanna soil my oats bro
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
