somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
