WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
