The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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