I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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