i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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