On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
